After 18 years I slumped to the floor in an exhausted heap. Thinking what has my life become, constantly adapting to the growing demands of a volcano that would erupt several times a day if they were not met or to their liking. Who would remind me constantly throughout the day of my many failings and how useless I am as a person (emotional abuse) My only hope at this time was-help was on its way but when it came and opened the door then locked the door behind them, it was clear it wasn’t coming to help me-it was coming to help the perpetrator. What happened to me during those 3 hours (physical, emotional and psychological abuse) revealed the picture I hadn’t seen coming-all three of them were in this together (perpetrator and their parents)
No one outside knew what was happening-how he would shout at me every day. There was no escaping the destruction he would cause smashing the furniture around me and shouting out my name every time they punched the walls. I was forced to bear witness to this all because I forgot to buy a pint milk. The daily list of where I was going to be throughout the day and what time had to be confirmed with a sent text message to them. Preventing me from sleeping because I was showing signs of having a bad attitude this was turning on the washing machine without asking for permission, smiling, laughing without their consent and breathing too loud or looking at them when I spoke to them (psychological abuse). Humiliating by restraining me (physical abuse) to prevent me from going to the toilet and forcibly pressing onto my lower abdomen so I would urinate on myself. To isolate me further to stop me from leaving they refused to carry any money because I was their personal bank and if I did not buy what they wanted they threatened to smash the entire contents of the shop. This resulted in myself having a credit card debt of £3k (economic/financial abuse)
Growing up in an environment that consisted of domestic abuse is all I ever knew. To be shouted at and made to feel guilty was normal every day life for me – I had never experienced unconditional love. The only difference with the perpetrator which I had never experienced was they noticed me. And wanted to protect me and care for me- finally someone who loves me but it wasn’t love or caring it was domestic abuse.
How would you recognise if you / someone was in a domestic abusive relationship ?
If you are reading my blog and you connect with my experience or if you are scared to go home. And can not freely express who you are or say how you feel because there will be consequences for doing this resulting in either verbal threats, physical or sexual violence or using emotional / psychological methods this is domestic abuse.
Please seek help. Women’s Aid 24 hour help line- free phone Tel 0808 2000 247
Immediate danger call 999 and ask for the POLICE
‘Love wants to hear the sound of your voice hear your laughter and watch you grow to be the person who you choose to be’ -Stella Eden
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