The thought of making changes felt overwhelming-I wanted to make changes to feel better but where do I start in making these changes. Part of me was desperate and longing for change, but another part of me was terrified of change it felt like entering into an unknown world and that unknown world I am wanting to go explore-is me.
You may well be questioning why be so scared of yourself, after all it is just you?
There is that saying opening a can of worms- and I guess they all spill out of the can. Opening my can would indeed be exposing shame, guilt, revealing what I believed to be true-I am a failure as a person. Along with fear of failing to achieve at anything in life and not mention years of supressing all emotions-my can is fit to bursting open. Is the world ready, more importantly am I ready for the lid to be lifted off my can?
If only life came with a guidebook and the index page to tell you when is the right time. There is no right time-the time is now. The moment when you decide to make a change you have already started to engage in making a change- and there is your first step. It takes courage in making changes. It isn’t easy, at times there were many times I would question to myself why I am doing this, what is the point in this. Change doesn’t happen instantly it takes time. The number of times I have felt like giving up-then I would ask myself do I want to put everything back in the can and seal the lid and carry on living the way I had become so accustomed to. My answer was no.
How did I do this?
Focusing on one thing I wanted to change and changing the way I was going to respond.
For instance where I worked they would take away my lunch break they would say to me you don’t mind do you? and I would smile and say it’s ok. Before you know it, all my breaks have all gone there is no space for me to have something to eat or grab a drink, working straight through 9 hours, 5 days a week and this went on for years. Why didn’t I say anything? I felt guilty how could I say anything when there were more important jobs that needed to be done first. Changing my response to this wasn’t easy it took many attempts in saying a word I didn’t dare speak-just thinking of this word I felt guilty and this word is-No.
‘The most challenging part of my journey-making changes to my life. The most rewarding part of my journey-making changes to my life”
Changing my response created a change, it took many attempts to keep creating a change and repeating this continual pattern over a period of time brought change. The result has been life changing it has shown me I have choices. It has brought an awareness to myself, my needs matter. My boundaries are now visible to myself before they where somewhat lost in space, this has greatly helped in my mental and physical wellbeing. It has also brought new people into my life and new opportunities I never imagined could happen. With every change I have made it brings something new into my life. I no longer fear it has become familiar friend who is with me in my forever-changing life journey ahead.
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