Launching the journal everyone needs-Stella’s open road trip journal.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stellas-Open-Road-Trip-Journal/dp/1913704726

I am so excited to be sharing with you the launch of Stella’s open road trip journal. Creating this journal I have loved doing this- it brings me joy to be finally holding it in my hands and being able to share this with you.

This is a reflective journal- it is very colourful totally interactive designed to encourage you to write, doodle, plan your dreams, to do lists, stick in photo’s or anything else you choose to. Be as expressive as you can- this is your space for you-to be wonderful you.

To help you in your journaling there are positive quotes and words of wisdom to help and encourage you in your own journaling journey. In the centre there is your mountain for you to climb. This is where you can chart your progress with each step you take you are a step closer to where you want to be.

Who is this journal for?

Whether you are a teenager or a person where age has no limits- if you like colour with funky designs, positive vibes with wellbeing, mindfulness and self love is at the heart of this journal- Stella’s open road trip journal is your go to journal.

Why I love to journal.

Journaling for me is like meeting up with a friend that happens to be-yourself. It is my space for me to be creative but also a place for me to reflect on how I am feeling and keep my wellbeing in check. Plus I love to set my goals what I want to achieve and planning each step of how I am going to do this. Journals are fantastic- you can take them anywhere and journal whenever you want to.

What are the benefits of journaling?

Helps to reduce stress and anxiety

Increases creativity

Goal setting

Self-reflective

Boosts memory

Keep a track on your life journey

When did I decide to create a reflective journal?

Looking for a journal all I could find were ones that had blank pages. I wanted one that would encourage me to want to journal- there wasn’t one. What I was looking for wasn’t out there and this was the start of creating a reflective journal with a core focus on wellbeing, self love and encouragement to go live your dreams and to be yourself.

Available to order from:

https://stellasopenroadtrip.online/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stellas-Open-Road-Trip-Journal/dp/1913704726

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/PoggaDoggaDoodles

Copyright©2020StellaEden

You don’t need to focus on the whole staircase- just the first step.

The thought of making changes felt overwhelming-I wanted to make changes to feel better but where do I start in making these changes. Part of me was desperate and longing for change, but another part of me was terrified of change it felt like entering into an unknown world and that unknown world I am wanting to go explore-is me.

You may well be questioning why be so scared of yourself, after all it is just you?

There is that saying opening a can of worms- and I guess they all spill out of the can. Opening my can would indeed be exposing shame, guilt, revealing what I believed to be true-I am a failure as a person. Along with fear of failing to achieve at anything in life and not mention years of supressing all emotions-my can is fit to bursting open. Is the world ready, more importantly am I ready for the lid to be lifted off my can?

If only life came with a guidebook and the index page to tell you when is the right time. There is no right time-the time is now. The moment when you decide to make a change you have already started to engage in making a change- and there is your first step. It takes courage in making changes. It isn’t easy, at times there were many times I would question to myself why I am doing this, what is the point in this. Change doesn’t happen instantly it takes time. The number of times I have felt like giving up-then I would ask myself do I want to put everything back in the can and seal the lid and carry on living the way I had become so accustomed to. My answer was no.

How did I do this?

Focusing on one thing I wanted to change and changing the way I was going to respond.

On reflection

For instance where I worked they would take away my lunch break they would say to me you don’t mind do you? and I would smile and say it’s ok. Before you know it, all my breaks have all gone there is no space for me to have something to eat or grab a drink, working straight through 9 hours, 5 days a week and this went on for years. Why didn’t I say anything? I felt guilty how could I say anything when there were more important jobs that needed to be done first. Changing my response to this wasn’t easy it took many attempts in saying a word I didn’t dare speak-just thinking of this word I felt guilty and this word is-No.


‘The most challenging part of my journey-making changes to my life. The most rewarding part of my journey-making changes to my life”

Stella Eden

Changing my response created a change, it took many attempts to keep creating a change and repeating this continual pattern over a period of time brought change. The result has been life changing it has shown me I have choices. It has brought an awareness to myself, my needs matter. My boundaries are now visible to myself before they where somewhat lost in space, this has greatly helped in my mental and physical wellbeing. It has also brought new people into my life and new opportunities I never imagined could happen. With every change I have made it brings something new into my life. I no longer fear it has become familiar friend who is with me in my forever-changing life journey ahead.

All rights reserved copyright©2020StellaEden

Who am I?

At 36 I stood looking at the reflection of myself in the mirror. I had a noticeable circular bald patch at the right side of my head, my eyebrows barely hanging in there my eyelashes had all but gone. My pale complexion even paler highlighted the darkness beneath my eyes.

Staring back at myself I questioned who am I?

Looking down at my hands I stretched open all of my fingers to inspect each of them, hoping this would reveal something to me-but it didn’t. There was nothing-I had no idea what was I like as person. Was there a certain food I enjoyed and what was my favourite colour? I simply did not know.

How did I get to this place of not knowing the answers to these simple questions? I hadn’t been involved in an accident that resulted in some form of amnesia. It was unknowing trauma-I didn’t know I had experienced trauma and the impact of this resulted with my body going into survival mode by disconnecting from myself and the world around me. Speaking- I found extremely difficult I did not want to talk it made me feel anxious. When I did speak often it wouldn’t make any sense in what I was trying to say, there were times when I could only make a sound other times I just couldn’t speak at all. Feeling incredibly lost- I wasn’t sure what was real anymore, was I real and did I exist? I think I did-still I couldn’t be sure.

I needed to understand what had happened to me and seeing a counsellor helped me greatly. They gave me the confidence to speak even when I found myself not wanting to they encouraged me to write about my experience as another form of therapy to possibly help me further. Sitting at my table with a blank piece of paper in front me just waiting for words to be written on but what do I write about and where do I start? Picking up the pen several times and then I would put it back down shaking my head telling myself I can’t write about what has happened just keep quiet. I had become so accustomed to keeping quiet it is all I have ever known and to carry on as though nothing had happened, but it did happen. The driving force behind keeping quiet was fear- fear of what will happen if I don’t do as I am told along with the guilt and shame.

The internal battle within crying out- I could not carry on like this anymore I need to know. Forcing myself to stay quiet would prevent myself from ever finding the answers and keep me locked inside myself forever. I told myself be brave- I picked up the pen and started to write about the unspoken events. No one knew the full extent of what had happened to me including my counsellor, having more time it enabled me to go to these events in my life. The blank piece of paper soon turned into many pieces of paper and what started to happen it revealed a picture- I hadn’t seen coming. It was inevitable I would continue to live in an environment similar to what I had grown up with it was all I had ever known I thought everyone lived this way.

Living with fear-fearful of not being there when your mum needs you to get her something or listening to her talk about her worries and fears-the constant pressure of having to be there if not the threat of another attempt of suicide was imminent. Being a weird kid- pretending to stroke an invisible cat and placing piles of grass in front of his chair to fend of my father’s unwanted attention (this freaked him out). Pretending it didn’t hurt the physical daily assaults from my elder sibling. From seven years of age the weight of this constant pressure having to continually adapt to this way of life and always having to be strong to save my mother’s life on a daily basis be a stronger weird kid to stand up to my father and elder sibling.

All I wanted was to be invisible-then I was noticed by someone, there was one difference I had never experienced I thought it was love, it wasn’t it was an unhealthy obsession. This person created more fear than what I had grown up with. All my emotions were forbidden to express any the consequences for doing this was more fear, guilt and shame. I constantly adapt-I speak too loud I make sure I speak quieter, then I speak too quiet must try to get the right tone. I breathe wrong I don’t know how to correct this, I must try harder. The list of errands I have to do is getting longer-his demands are constantly changing at a minutes notice and I am struggling to do the 60 errands. I kept telling myself if I try harder it wouldn’t be happening it is my all fault he does what he does. As hard as I tried it wasn’t getting any easier it was getting worse. Each time I adapt to keep him happy I lose another part of me until eventually this is nothing left- only emptiness.

Reading back the words of my story it had a different feel to when I had talked about various parts of my life with my counsellor. The realization to the full extent of what had happened to me really hit me hard-I was lucky to have survived. Writing helped me greatly it helped me find my voice and to reconnect to myself understanding what had happened it also highlighted I needed to make many changes in my life.

“My purpose in life isn’t to meet the costant demands of others”

Stella Eden

Learning about myself -started with making myself my priority. Looking at my needs and how does it make me feel. Knowing I have choices, I can live my life how I choose and I don’t have to seek anyone’s permission to be me. This opened up a new world -the world of me. I am constantly exploring about myself it has brought many challenges- letting go of the guilt and to be able to freely express all emotions without fearing them. This has given me freedom to be me and to get to know myself.

Who am I?

I am life transformation- passionate about life and creating pathways for dreams yet to be lived. Powered by love, laughter and the magnificent coffee bean-no longer hiding coming out into the light and loving feeling the warmth of life and all it has to offer.

“If it isn’t inspiring me to grow or bringing me joy-it does not belong in my life”

Stella Eden

All rights reserved copyright©2020Stella Eden

Associates of Stella’s Open Road Trip

Associates of Stella’s open road trip- are therapists who share their experience discussing the benefits of therapy in the field they practice and sharing how it can help towards our well-being as guest speakers at Stella’s open road trip talks.

Having a network of support around us is important, often it is not knowing where to go and who or what might help us in our own personal journey of well-being.

Stella’s open road trip is delighted to be connected to these therapists and sharing with you information about them so you may also directly contact them to access their services.

Michelle Esberg

Celebrant, acupuncturist, shiatsu practitoner and crystal therapist.

Michelle’s career started as general and mental health nurse. Looking for a holistic approach this lead Michelle to train to become an acupuncturist and shiastu practitioner and has been in practice for 15 years. Having used crystals in her own personal well-being which Michelle now offers crystal therapy as a stand alone therapy and also incorporates them into acupuncture sessions.

For more information and to contact Michelle

https://michelleesberg.com/

Spotlight on…Fiona Austin

Delighted to be shining a light on Body, mind connecting and coach Fiona Austin.

Fiona’s career has gone from journalism and now through to helping us to reconnect to ourselves to nature and helping us to develop skills on how to thrive in a screen filled world.

“The skills of listening and a hearing a person’s story are important in both worlds”

Fiona Austin

What is BMCC about ?

I set up BMCC initially to be a collective of Body and Mind practitioners.  But that was 20 years ago!  As time went on I realised that it’s impossible to treat the individual and their mind separately.  So the initial name changed from being about a collective of therapists to being more about about how we as individuals are – completely.


For instance my specialisation is anxiety and this we all know is very much felt in the body.  Anxiety is our biology trying to deliver an emotional message.  Alas this message is up against such a challenge of delivery in our modern world. We’re taught to shove feelings away and get on with it. Or doctors give us medications and anti-depressants to kill the message, the feeling.  It can be so hard to know ourselves, to really get in touch with what we need to feel in a healthy way.  We’re living in a distracted world, so we’re not listening to our inner wisdom.  To the message that our feelings need to be heard.  

So now BMCC is about recognition of the whole of one person and their feelings, their wellbeing and what is needed to make you feel complete. Coaching, counselling, health optimisation techniques and most importantly listening.

Who or what inspires you and why ?

Everyday I’m inspired by someone new. I’ve got that monkey mind that jumps from realisation to realisation. There’s times that beside my bed looks like a library on strike, books everywhere waiting to be shelved.
So it’s books that inspire, but a close second are podcasts. I go to sleep and wake up listening to new perspectives and insights. Can’t get enough of them. There’ll never be enough time for me to hear all the one’s I’ve book marked. So much knowledge, so little time!

What is the one thing you have always wanted to try ?

Sourdough bread .. not to eat it, to make it. I’m pretty fanatical about health optimisation. Which is a type of preventative health – ideally I’d not eat any bread, but no one elected me a saint so sourdough it is.

What is the one thing you can’t live without?

Well my family. If they weren’t there to annoy and challenge me I’d find drinking Pina Colada’s on a paradise beach less of a reward!! But family and dog aside .. I think, like everyone my phone is hard to live without. It’s a love hate. To the point that I even run a programme called Living in Harmony with Tech. Which is how to be healthy in a modern world. I’d like to think I’m achieving it.

If you won the lottery what would you do ?

Obviously all the charities and bills aside, I’d use it to live more healthy. About 10 years ago, I scooped up my children and lived the dream in a little white washed town at the end of Europe. Big empty beaches, sunshine and joy. I went because life had dumped a lot of crap on my lap. I thought ‘you can cry here in the rain, or go to the sun’. So off we trotted. A few years I came back and have since been teaching people to live their best life, even if it’s from their living room chair.

Quick fire questions

Quavers Or Quinoa

Qabbage

City Or Countryside

Countryside by the sea

TV or Radio

Podcasts

Cappuccino Or Americano

If you would like to know more or contact Fiona Austin please click on the link below the photo.

You can also follow Fiona on her instagram page-click on the link.

https://www.instagram.com/morethanjustlistening/?hl=en

Many thanks to Fiona much love and light from Stella’s open road trip.

Spotlight on…Author Jennifer Green

Delighted to be shining a spotlight on Author Jennifer Green.

Jennifer is a registered nurse, life coach, blogger and author. In May 2017 Jennifer’s book was published “Winning while losing: the upside of heartbreak” Reading Miss Jen’s story I immediately connected- her courage throughout her story and how she coped is truly inspiring.

“Heartbreak can have many silver linings and life’s lessons”

Jennifer Green

What brought you to writing?

Great question! I used to love creative writing class in grade 3 and as time went on in English, my teachers became extremely critical and writing wasn’t fun for me anymore. As I got older, I missed writing and one day when I was about 43, I enrolled in an online creative writing course in The U.S. and my love of writing came back! I also took a life coaching program while working as a nurse in Canada and one of my friends encouraged me to put content on a website for people to read. That’s when my blog was born and I was having so much fun writing about self-help topics and connecting with people around the world. After my divorce in 2015, I began writing about that to help myself and others get through a difficult time, and I ended up writing a book which I never saw coming!! Writing makes me express myself from the inside out and I always feel better after doing so.

Who or what inspires you and why?

I love anything based on a true story whether it’s a book, movie, or meeting someone who has been through something difficult and came out of it on the other side. That is inspiring, to see how people cope when times are tough. Other things that inspire me are quotes, I call myself a “quote freak” which means I have quite a collection of them on my blog, my phone, in my purse, journals, books, etc! I believe they can change a perspective from negative to positive fairly quickly and teach us something in very few words. They are quite powerful. Here is one that I love and carry around with me everywhere: “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” ~ Mary Oliver

What is the one thing you have always wanted to try?

I’ve always wanted to learn how to sail a boat. I love watching them on the water because it looks both fun and peaceful. The feeling must be amazing when you’re out on the water with the wind pushing you along and having the best views around. I will have to look into trying this at a place near my house. I went on a catamaran in Cuba which was fun but learning to sail is a bit harder which is ok with me.

One day time freezes for everyone except you-what would you do?

What a great question for the times we are in!! Since we are on a global lockdown right now, if time were to freeze for everyone except me, I would go and visit everyone I know while maintaining a social distance. I miss the face to face connections with people so if I could do that while being mindful of health and safety then I would.

If you won the lottery what would you do?

I would share it with my family first, donate some to the cancer society, invest some, buy a house and travel the world once all this lockdown ends!  I hope I win a big amount!!  

Quick fire questions

Music Or Movies

Music

City Or Countryside

City

Walking Or Dancing

Salsa dancing

Cappuccino Or Americano

Cappuccino

Many thanks to Miss Jen- much love and light from Stella’s open road trip.

To read Jennifer’s blog and find out more please click on the links below.


https://couragecoach.wordpress.com/

https://twitter.com/jgreenwwl
https://www.instagram.com/miss.jenjen/?hl=en

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-green-54591978/

Triggered by social distancing & isolation during Covid-19

Everyone at some point will have experienced fear. Fear of failing to achieve something you have dreamt of doing. Fear of not speaking out about something you are passionate about. Fear of not asking your manager for a pay increase or that long awaited promotion you have been working hard towards. Fear of the unknown, and for many of us change is a big fear factor. Fear can enter our lives briefly or it can stay with us throughout our entire life.

At present the fear is the pandemic-it doesn’t know any boundaries, it devastates many lives, it takes away our loved ones and no one is exempt from it nor does it care about your social background. Your chances of surviving this relies on you social distancing yourself from your friends and family and further isolating yourself from the outside world. It limits you or prevents you from working, adding more emotional pressure knowing you might not have enough money to buy food, medicine, pay the rent or the utility bills.

We cannot see it. We can’t always identify where it is coming from -it could be a neighbour, colleague at work or a family member. We are made aware through the newspapers, television, social media and the radio. There is a certain disbelief it will not happen in this area/neighbourhood and people go about their lives believing it won’t happen to them or any of their immediate family members or friends. It is only when the impact of this can be physically seen or if it has directly affected their daughter, son, mother, brother a friend or a work colleague then this becomes more real- Covid-19 can happen to anyone.

Reading the guidelines on how we can survive this pandemic triggered echoes from my past, and in many ways it closely resembles a life I had lived for 18 years and managed to escape- domestic abuse.

“Isolation isn’t just isolation for victims and survivors of domestic abuse, it is the associated layers that are attached to it”

Stella Eden

For years I was isolated from everyone and life outdoors was absolutely restricted to the point I had to ask permission to go outside to hang clothes on the washing line-I wasn’t allowed do this because of the fear of what would happen as result:

  • Gas lighting.
  • Constant shouting.
  • Reducing my food or preventing me from sleeping.
  • Humiliation and physically preventing me from going to the toilet.
  • Rage of anger would sweep inside the house like a tornado destroying furniture, attacking doors punching walls leaving wreckage behind them.
  • Physical assault and being spat at in my hair and face.
  • Instilling further fear by using their work as a tool to assist them-reminding me all victims of assault and murder occurs outside the home and they all looked like me.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Reclaiming my freedom hasn’t been an easy journey- it is one I have fought hard to achieve. Embracing the outside world, to be honest, it scared me- I wanted to walk close to walls to be able to hold onto something. Instead I forced myself to walk in the centre when I was outside, even though it was incredibly uncomfortable. I felt exposed and vulnerable, all I wanted to do was crawl on the floor, get into a hole, hide and never get out. I knew if I didn’t encourage myself I would further isolate myself. Reintroducing myself back into society was challenging:

  • Picking up a box of cereal in a supermarket I broke down in tears.
  • Crippled with anxiety I would freeze when anyone spoke to me, fearful of saying the wrong thing.
  • Anxiety fuelled my OCD making it hard to leave the house.
  • People speaking loud and doors being slammed too close.
  • The constant battle within has been relentless and still it tries to rear it’s ugly head.

These are all triggers as a result from the impact of trauma. It is learning to cope and manage them when you are being triggered. Recognising them is important- isolation and social distancing triggered me. My anxiety went into overload and it resulted in OCD. It started to gradually make an appearance (I clean excessively) with a feeling of a rabbit in the headlights. Along with an increasing urge to escape and run, where to I don’t know? It was all connected to being in solation and losing my freedom.

We cannot direct the wind. But we can adjust the sails.

I cannot change the situation, but I can change my response to this, asking myself what do I need at this moment to feel less isolated? This has brought me to an unexpected place- hosting Virtual afternoon tea at the Sofa-being able to connect with other women who have faced a similiar situation like I have faced. We are connecting far and wide from various parts of the country to countries abroad. Together we are making isolation less isolating and it is by staying connected we become stronger and our fears become less.

All rights reserved copyright© 2020StellaEden

Spotlight on…Laura Riley Ceo & Founder of Mums In Need.

 

Delighted to be shining a spotlight on Laura Riley.

It all started in 2013. A mother of a small child not only wanted a better life for herself and her child, but she also wanted others who had experienced the same as her to have a better life too. Whilst rebuilding her own life from the devastating impact of emotional, psychological and financial abuse, this remarkable woman’s passion to help others moved her to open her laptop and create her own charity from her sofa. This remarkable woman is Laura Riley.

Laura’s charity, Mums In Need, is based in Sheffield and has supported over 200 women. Mums In Need provides a unique support for mums experiencing on going emotional and psychological abuse after separation. Mums In Need works together with a community of fellow survivors and experienced professionals to provide help to mums to become more confident and support to help rebuild their lives.

 

What brought you to opening your own charity- Mums In Need ?

I set up ‘Mums In Need” because there wasn’t a specific support available to help mums who have left an abusive relationship.

What is the one thing you have always wanted to try?

Scuba diving-When I think about it I think of fear/terror and this I would like to overcome. I do enjoy swmming in the sea. I probably would not want to scuba dive in the UK because the sea is too cold so probably somewhere warmer.

One day time freezes for everyone except you-what would you do?

I would hypnotize all the selfish and unkind people into being thoughtful and kind and helping others.

 

Imagine living on a desert island and you can only take with you 3 items. What would you take with you and why?

1-A book to read as this would keep me occupied- I am not sure which book I would take with me to read it would help to keep me focused.

2-A note pad-for any ideas I have about doing things for Mums In Need (MIN) I always carry with me a note pad- I have one in my bag and one at the side of my bed.

3-Water- to drink for when I get thirsty.

 

If you won the lottery what would you do?

I would use the money to pay off my mums debt and use the rest to ensure that Mums In Need can be sustainable.

Quick fire questions

Cycle or Scooter

Cycle

Pizza or Tacos

Pizza

Chocolate cake or Lemon drizzle cake

Chocolate cake

City or Countryside

City

 

Many thanks to Laura Riley- much love and light from Stella’s Open Road Trip.

 

If you would like to contact Mums In Need to help or support them please find their links attaached below.

https://www.linkedin.com/company/mums-in-need/

https://www.facebook.com/MumsInNeed13/

https://www.mumsinneed.com/home

https://www.instagram.com/mums_in_need/

Note- photo supplied and consent to use given by Laura Riley at mumsinneed.

(Virtual) Afternoon Tea at the Sofa..hosted by Stella Eden.

If you have been affected by Domestic Abuse you know how isolating it feels. With the current situation of Covid-19 self distancing and isolation we can feel further isolated.

Every Friday at 3pm I am hosting via zoom (virtual) Afternoon tea at the Sofa ( a women only space-for women affected by domestic abuse) For 40 minutes we will be able to see each other for a chat and have a cup of tea/coffee and eat cakes from the comfort of our own home. It will be a great opportunity to connect and support each other.

Studies have shown the benefits of talking can be:

  • healing
  • reduces stress
  • strengthening our immune system

(Pennebaker, Kiecolt-Glaser + Glaser 1988)

In addition to making new connections at Afternoon tea at the Sofa there will be occassional guest speakers who will be invited to share useful tips to help support.

“Nothing can dim the light which shines within”

Maya Angelou

To join Afternoon tea at the Sofa- click on the menu box and click on contact to email to join. An invitation will be sent to you- the zoom app is available via the App Store and it is free to register.

All rights reserved copyright©2020 Stella Eden

Spotlight on…Poet,The Three Graces.

Delighted to be featuring Spotlight on… Poet, The three Graces

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The three graces…Courage with compassion

A few years ago I first met poet The three graces and I knew instantly we would become great friends. Entering one of historic buildings in London I touched the wall. I have always done this, I guess I do this to connect with the history of the building. The three graces smiled and laughed saying they thought they were the only one that did this. The three graces is courageous person who inspires me greatly- it is such an honour they are here at Stella’s Open Road Trip. I am excited about shining a spotlight on….The three graces. Together let us warmly welcome them into the light.

What brought you to writing poetry?

Singing as a child on my own, to my baby brother, it was so automatic. I’d make up songs, poems to sing along too. It’s only now in my 40s that I can sense that not everyone was doing this, finding words to sing with.

I’ve always drawn and written since I was a little child, and then many times I moved throughout childhood, things got destroyed. This meant as an adult it took me a long time to start writing and drawing once more. Drawing and painting was not allowed in my culture, women are held back from creative pursuits. However, I now draw and tell myself to do as much as I choose to. Doing a drawing or writing is simply a time for me. It’s more than a step back to the little girl I was, it’s step forward to who I truly am, I am creative (we all are) and now I sit and allow myself to note, to draw…I have slowly begun sharing my poems and will begin to share my other works. Small steps…

What is the one thing you have always wanted to try?

Synchronized swimming, yes, with music and that bliss of water dancing. Or cheerleading. Drumming too, that loud Brazilian drumming….

One day time freezes for every one accept you-what would you do ?

I’d run around swapping people and things around, so that a negative politician is placed cuddling a homeless person, diamond rings glisten on a toddlers shoes in a busy council estate as s/he is getting ready to run, a group of people moved from a greasy spoon café huddle closely to a group of Hare Krishna devotees, the Queen finds herself sitting in a job centre plus waiting room with no clothes on. I’d like to change things around , so when time restarts people will find themselves in a different position, for some a chance to change, and for others to simply see a different perspective and maybe even begin to see who they truly are.

What would be your spirit animal?

I’ve had dreams of frogs, parrots, horses, squirrels, monkeys and little field mice. However, the animals I feel closest are a red robin or a blackbird.

If you won the lottery what would you do?

Pay off my debts, buy a home in London and return to London, pay for my daughters schooling till university. Buy a forest with a retreat centre, and offer domestic violence survivors, asylum seekers, victims of torture especially children respite care of months, up to a year. To attend they must be willing to learn to listen to themselves, to meditate and allow nature to heal. I would ensure that they have all that they need (retraining, education, health care, food, therapies etc) in a different landscape. The money would go quickly, but I’d hope in that in that time the retreat centre and forest would heal enough people, that they would sponsor one person to attend too, like a friend to friend, letting their healing support another. The landscape benefits from growing and being saved for eternity in a legal trust document/format that allows no development on it.

Quick fire questions.

Tv or radio ?

Radio (well podcasts, you tube interviews etc)

Hot Chocolate or coffee?

Coffee

Pizza or Tacos?

Pizza (thin crust, margherita)

Gloves or mittens?

Mittens

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Many thanks to The Three Graces- much love and light.

Thank you for reading.

It’s all over

So I thought. Immediately after I had escaped the constant stream of text messages and voicemails reminding me it was all my fault. All I wanted was to move on with my life.

It was clear Damian did not want me to have a life and he wasn’t prepared to lose his power and control. To keep me fearful he sent me 20,160 hand written pages full of emotional and psychological abuse. Travelling to my place of work to stalk me. Enlisted the help of his parents- a failed kidnap attempt to take me back to where I belonged- to their son.

How did I respond ?

My time was taken up 3-4 times a week either phoning the police or sat in a police station on an evening reporting another letter, text message or being stalked by him.

” We need to have a bigger picture of what is going on. Not enough evidence, keep reporting ” -police officer

Every time I went to the police I went with the hope this would be the time they would help me and stop this war of terror against me. After 2 years of reporting the picture of what was happening wasn’t clear enough for the police and the war of terror was allowed to continue.

Where did I go for help ?

I had not only been to the police asking for help. I have contacted a Police Superintendent, Chief Inspector, two Minister’s of Justice, MP’s , Deputy Prime Minister and various organisations asking them all for help. I have been on my knees begging for help for this war of terror against me to stop. It was allowed continue either through ignorance or the threat of a personal lawsuit soon put an end to any offers of help they were quickly rescinded. In order to protect themselves from this I was used as a shield and so the abuser was allowed to continue with the war of terror. Accepting help wasn’t coming during this very traumatic time in my life was difficult.

What did I do ?

I could not change what was happening- I was totally powerless.  The only power I did have was within myself and this is where I had control. I was at rock bottom- facing bankruptcy due to economic abuse used in the legal proceedings failing to attend court hearings and numerous appeals made by the abuser to purposely increase my legal fees resulted in £53k of debt. I was facing losing my business and being homeless.

I started to slowly make changes within myself these were difficult and challenging with the added on going pressure from the abuser. I kept my focus onto myself– I refused to be drawn back into a living a life life I wasn’t mean’t to have. I wanted the life I had always dreamt about and I started to build a foundation for a new life.

    “I went from zero to my own hero”   Stella Eden

All rights reserved copyright©2019 Stella Eden

5 Steps

Unhappy and exhausted- I’d hardly slept in 5 years this was one of many punishments for my many failings It could be not asking for permission to turn a light on, speaking too quietly, breathing too loud, failing to complete one of 60 errands to be done in a week.  The more I tried- the more I failed it was getting worse every minute of the day trying to survive and make it through- only to relive this again the next day, on and on it goes-he is relentless.

” Something had to change it was only a matter of time- would I be killed by my own hand or the abusers “

I made the decision to hire a storage locker and I started to put a few things in there important documents, bank statements, passport and work certificates.  My plan was to take some clothes and whatever else I may need in preparation for when I would eventually leave him.

From the hall to the door it is 5 steps-it takes only a few seconds to take these steps. I never imagined taking these 5 steps would be the hardest steps I would take in my life. It took 3 hours for me to take these 5 steps. Subjected to emotional & psychological abuse and physically restrained to prevent me from leaving. I was allowed one phone call- I didn’t get to choose who the call could be made to- nor could I make the call- the abuser (he) did this.

He made the call to his mother- whilst I was being restrained by his father. Updating her what was happening he calmly looked at me “Can you hear her she is hysterical and she is smashing the place up” The shock of what was happening to me and they were all in this together. I wasn’t mentally insane like they had all been telling me. I didn’t know how I was going to get out- I believed I would and I did.

In hindsight-what would I have done differently in leaving ?

Reflecting back- Leaving an abuser safety is at a greater risk they will try to prevent you from leaving. No one knew what was happening to me. I did not have a safety exit plan. On reflection I did need a safety plan and I think it would have helped me.


How to prepare and leave safely ?

Women’s Aid Charity – safety plan click on the link below.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/

If you are experiencing abuse or know someone who is experiencing abuse and needs help and support in England

Freephone 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247

Immediate danger dial 999 ask for the POLICE

All rights reserved copyright©2020 Stella Eden