After 18 years I slumped to the floor in an exhausted heap. Thinking what has my life become, constantly adapting to the growing demands of a volcano that would erupt several times a day if they were not met or to their liking. Who would remind me constantly throughout the day of my many failings and how useless I am as a person (emotional abuse) My only hope at this time was-help was on its way but when it came and opened the door then locked the door behind them, it was clear it wasn’t coming to help me-it was coming to help the perpetrator. What happened to me during those 3 hours (physical, emotional and psychological abuse) revealed the picture I hadn’t seen coming-all three of them were in this together (perpetrator and their parents)
No one outside knew what was happening-how he would shout at me every day. There was no escaping the destruction he would cause smashing the furniture around me and shouting out my name every time they punched the walls. I was forced to bear witness to this all because I forgot to buy a pint milk. The daily list of where I was going to be throughout the day and what time had to be confirmed with a sent text message to them. Preventing me from sleeping because I was showing signs of having a bad attitude this was turning on the washing machine without asking for permission, smiling, laughing without their consent and breathing too loud or looking at them when I spoke to them (psychological abuse). Humiliating by restraining me (physical abuse) to prevent me from going to the toilet and forcibly pressing onto my lower abdomen so I would urinate on myself. To isolate me further to stop me from leaving they refused to carry any money because I was their personal bank and if I did not buy what they wanted they threatened to smash the entire contents of the shop. This resulted in myself having a credit card debt of £3k (economic/financial abuse)
Growing up in an environment that consisted of domestic abuse is all I ever knew. To be shouted at and made to feel guilty was normal every day life for me – I had never experienced unconditional love. The only difference with the perpetrator which I had never experienced was they noticed me. And wanted to protect me and care for me- finally someone who loves me but it wasn’t love or caring it was domestic abuse.
How would you recognise if you / someone was in a domestic abusive relationship ?
If you are reading my blog and you connect with my experience or if you are scared to go home. And can not freely express who you are or say how you feel because there will be consequences for doing this resulting in either verbal threats, physical or sexual violence or using emotional / psychological methods this is domestic abuse.
Please seek help. Women’s Aid 24 hour help line- free phone Tel 0808 2000 247
Immediate danger call 999 and ask for the POLICE
‘Love wants to hear the sound of your voice hear your laughter and watch you grow to be the person who you choose to be’ -Stella Eden
One hand over their mouth, eyes closed tightly whilst their other hand waves frantically signalling to stop this conversation dead in it’s tracks before it goes any further. The fear of acknowledging this could be happening in an area where the live. This is one of many responses I have had and what caused this? A subject no one likes or wants to talk about because it is horrendous- domestic abuse.
What is domestic abuse / domestic violence ?
Abusive power with controlling manipulation and threatening behaviour. It is a repeated pattern of cycle abuse using various forms of abuse –
Harassment / Stalking
Economic / Financial
Domestic abuse / domestic violence is also about humiliating and isolating you to keep you fearful and hidden away from all the great wonders of life and from everyone in society. Their power and control is so important to them they will go to great lengths to keep it and to keep you under their control by using any forms of abuse.
Sadly it is not going away it is global and it is goes from one relationship to another. In our lifetime it is estimated 1/4 women and 1/6 men will experience domestic abuse in an intimate relationship. It can happen to anyone from any social background in all genders.
The more we openly talk about domestic abuse this becomes part of a regular conversation we all need to be having at work places with friends and family. By doing this we are all facing it and rising to help those who need to understand and recognise domestic abuse is unacceptable.And those who are in desperate need for help but are too afraid to ask or do not know they are being abused. Start talking about domestic abuse never be afraid to ask is this domestic abuse- you may save someone’s life.
Together we can make a difference- Stella Eden
If you are experiencing abuse or know someone who is experiencing abuse and needs help and support in England – 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline
Hey I am Stella. Welcome to my blog-Stella’s Open Road Trip. It is about my own personal journey of self-discovery and how I transformed my life completely around- after 18 years of emotional, psychological, physical and economic abuse. The devastation of this had greatly impacted on my physical and mental health- I could barely speak, scared of my own shadow and fearful of everything.
After my escape I made a promise to myself my life had to be better and I wrote one word on a piece of paper. I carried this everywhere with me, inside my pocket, handbag or holding it in my hand and this gave me my motivation and this was the start of Stella’s Open Road Trip. And I grew beyond what I imagined I would be as a person, and now I am living the life I have always dreamed of.
Join my journey-Stella’s Open Road Trip and discover useful tips and information what helped me recover from the aftermath of domestic abuse. A few topics I am going to be blogging on-
Alternative ways to a better health
Guest blogs to inspire and help along the way
And the journey doesn’t end there-there is more. I hope by sharing with you what helped me personally -it may help you too.
Absolutely-because at some point in your life you will know someone who is in an domestic abusive relationship. It maybe a friend, the person who serves you in the cafe, work colleague, family member or YOU !
Domestic abuse it hurts you, it can kill, it isolates you, it will try and destroy your future. The impact of it is devastating on the physical body and mental health. Openly talking about domestic abuse and making it part of a regular conversation everyone should be having, and just by doing this you are already raising awareness. No one should have to live in constant fear trying to survive the next five minutes and the next. Abusive behaviour is unacceptable. And for our future generations to end this we can all make a difference-it is time to end all forms of domestic abuse.
Also in my blog there will be;
What is domestic abuse?
Recognising the signs
How to help
‘Together we learn, we grow and we inspire each other”-Stella Eden